MOTHER ALONE

The challenges of a solo mother: An unseen Journey

Motherhood is universally recognised as one of the most challenging yet rewarding awards a woman can take on. However, for solo mothers like me and many other women across the globe, raising children without the support of the other partner represent unique challenges and struggles that often go unseen and unacknowledged in society.

For some having a child it’s something planned for others it might not be. But once you bring a child to the world you expect both parents to give their best, becoming a parent brings a lot of changes to both parents lives and its very common for parents to split. The important question is what happens after this?

What happens when you hold different values? When you believe in different methods of upbringing? When you believe in a different way to love your child? What happens when the other parent decides to leave and not take up responsibilities? What happens when you realised you child is not a priority to the other parent? Well, I do not hold the right or wrong answer for these questions, but I know for a fact that I am not the only mother who have faced this type of situations or similar, I am not the only mother that is on her motherhood journey by herself.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau 2022, statistics on Household Relationship and Living Arrangements of Children Under 18 Years, by Age and Sex, shows that in America 1 in 5 children under the age of 18 are being raised without a father and that out of 10 million single parent families, 80 percent were headed by single mothers.

It's been now over a year since I became a solo mother, the last year was emotional and physically draining I won’t romanticise it. But I have to say that all that I feared I couldn’t do it by self I did it, and I did it the best way I could.

The emotional toll on solo mothers is significant and the absence of a presence to share emotional burdens of parenting can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. As you navigate the demands of single parenthood, finding time and energy to maintain friendships and participate in community activities becomes increasingly difficult so an emotional resilience is needed, but not often easy to reach.  And for this there is an increase importance for awareness and finding the right support.

All the decisions lay on you when you are a solo parent, you need to be the fun and loving parent, but you also need to be the disciplinary parent. The weight of parenting rests entirely on your shoulders and sometimes this can be particularly challenging during key development stages of your child or even when you are dealing with behavioural issues, you often ask yourself if you are doing enough or even where did you fail.

As a solo mother you need to manage your time and energy. You need to balance work, household responsibilities, quality time with your child, and you should also leave a little room for look after yourself, but this is not always possible although its crucial for a healthy mental state because your child will only be okay if you are okay.

A few months ago, I was faced with the question from a nursery staff member to whom my child should direct his Father’s Day card, I was not ready for it, I never thought about it before until that moment in fact. After a few moments of silence and spokeless words the staff member says: “Oh he can dedicate you the card, in reality you are both” - Above the feeling that I knew it was true, in that moment I understood that there is things that are not in my control and that I need to be ready to answer unwanted questions in the future, as your child grows questions start arise and you need to be ready to give the most true and less hurtful answers.

Despite all the challenges that solo motherhood brings; solo mothers demonstrate a remarkable resilience. We build strong, independent characters while developing a strong close-knit bond with our children. Finding support through family, friends, or support groups is a vital set to ease the pressure of being a solo mother.

While motherhood is a journey filled with love and joy, solo motherhood comes with a unique set of challenges that require recognition and support. By creating awareness and understanding of the these struggles I believe it’s possible to create better and more empathic support systems where our society becomes a more inclusive community to solo mothers like me and to children like my child.

Daniela Carvalho.